Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!" Psalm 27:14
There has been a lot of buzz around the Both Ends Burning campaign and the Stuck documentary born from it. If you have any connection to the world of adoption, you have surely heard of these two movements by now.
I am here to give you a glimpse into the days of a real life, 'Stuck' family.
Early mornings begin with breakfast, showers, prep for work and school. As I sit at the kitchen table monitoring the kids school routine, I read my daily devotionals and Bible readings. Every verse that God speaks on the fatherless and abandoned pierces my heart as I think of my sons in Haiti. I see my 3 children go through their routine in safety and love and can't help wonder what M and S are doing in these moments of early morning life. Who is helping them get dressed? What do they eat for breakfast? Is S getting his nutritional supplement? But I move on....
As I drive to school each morning for work, I listen to Christian music blaring from my radio. I cling to messages in the music, seeking God's promises in the songs and lifting my voice in worship to Him as I prepare to teach for the day. I often wonder what my mornings are going to look like when M and S do get home and I have more stops and drops at daycare and/or school to make. Will they sing these songs with me from the backseat of the car? Will they have their noses pressed to the window, looking at their new and fascinating world? But I move on....
As I go through my day at school with my class, each spare moment (there are not many) that I find in the day, I'm checking my email or cell phone to see if any adoption updates, phone calls or posts have been made that apply to us and our adoption. Every scrap of news is something and I cling to it and view it as something, anything in this process of being 'Stuck.' Each word from our family coordinator is like gold to me, whether good news or no news, because it's SOMETHING! But I move on...
Dinners are usually easy fixes these days as we are busy with baseball, tumbling, music lessons and other things that our children preoccupy themselves with. (What would S like to do? Karate? M would probably love T ball...) The other night at dinner, Tayler brought up a family discussion question on prayer. During the discussion, I found myself excited, thinking about questions that we could ask M and S when they are home at the dinner table. Of course, language is going to be an issue, so I scolded myself again about getting on top of learning some Creole. But I move on...
Lately, Daniel has been getting anxious over the progress of the adoption. Anyone who knows Daniel, knows he is typically steadfast and leaves things to God's timing. But there is something about knowing his sons are growing up in a facility that has him more impatient than usual. But he moves on....
I have begun a plan of action to help the boys communicate and learn English when they get home. Labeling household items and other things with words, digital time and pictures, things that they will need to help them communicate with us. But I wait and move on to my next errand or chore...
This may sound gloomy and sad. And in many ways, it is. Some days my heart is so heavy. I've cried more in the last year and 7 months than ever in my life. But I know there is light at the end of this journey. Regardless of my timing and expectations, I will do as the Psalms instruct me. I will wait on the LORD. He shall strengthen my heart...and He does. Going through days like these I've written about, each and every day, would drag a person down into the pits of despair. God has been and is the One who renews our strength. There is nothing at this point that we can do to move our process along quicker but rely on our mighty God, the one who has called us to this journey to begin with.
Yes, there needs to be a faster way to 'unstick' children and get them placed with their families sooner than later. Yes, we are stuck and frustrated many days, but I trust my God brings beauty from ashes and I trust that He will continue to help us along the way.
One day my day to day routine will be unstuck, as well as our lives and the lives of our sons.
Thanks friends for your ongoing prayer and support.
Love from the Lacey village.
Terry
My heart breaks for you, Terri. May you see God's hand all over your life as you wait. This verse always comes to mind whenever I think of adoption and waiting. Romans 8:22-25
ReplyDeleteAll around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Love you. Our prayers are with you.
Thanks so much Lindsay. This has definitely been my most difficult 'pregnancy'. But I trust and know God is always faithful. I wait. And will do so, on my adoption and on my God who will 'enlarge' me, as you said. Thanks for the encouragement! Some days it is sooooooo needed:)
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