Wow. Things in this adoption process are going slow. No news of any progress...nothing on exiting the IBESR in Haiti. Things seem to have come to a near stand still.
There are some days when I want to (and do!) cry, scream at God and cry some more. Days when I get emails saying that one of our little boys is significantly underweight and has to be given a nutritional suppliment to help him gain weight. And then I cry all over again...
Days when I don't think that I can bear a moment longer without my little boys, that I am helpless, hopeless and alone.
Then I have days like today when God kind of nudges me (slaps me upside the head actually!) out of my funk.
Hey! You! Don't you know I'm the God of this universe and I am in control? Don't you know that I know every hair on your head, your past, present and future? I know your ups, downs, highs, lows and everything in between... And don't you know I'm sufficient and enough for you? Don't you know that I hold your very life in my right hand? Don't you know that I love your children, biological and adopted, more than even you as a mother, can fathom? Don't you know that I am victorious? That in me YOU are victorious?
What? I am victorious? How can this be? My children aren't home? They are in an orphanage in a third world country that moves at the speed of sloth???
Yes. I too am victorious.
God didn't promise that this adoption (or anything else for that matter) was going to be easy. He actually pretty much guarantees that most of life is going to be challenging, but today as I journaled and prayed, turning my life, children and adoption situation over to Him, I realized that I am victorious! I am victorious because I continually am placing my trust in my faithful God. I am victorious because I have a God that does not leave me or foresake me when I cry or scream to Him. He gently waits for me to gather myself and then He reaffirms to me that I am walking the path He has placed before me. He uses other families and friends to encourage and strengthen me to continue my forward fight in this adoption journey.
I am victorious because I belong to a God who will bring beauty from all the pain I endure now. I rejoice in the fact that He is never failing, even when all else falls around me. I am victorious today, not because of myself or even my desire to follow God's will for my life, but because God is faithful and true to me.
Praise to our mighty God and King!
Sending my love to you all, and especially to two little boys in Haiti,