Wednesday, May 22, 2013

What a 'Stuck' Life Looks Like

"Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!" Psalm 27:14

There has been a lot of buzz around the Both Ends Burning campaign and the Stuck documentary born from it. If you have any connection to the world of adoption, you have surely heard of these two movements by now.

I am here to give you a glimpse into the days of a real life, 'Stuck' family.

Early mornings begin with breakfast, showers, prep for work and school. As I sit at the kitchen table monitoring the kids school routine, I read my daily devotionals and Bible readings. Every verse that God speaks on the fatherless and abandoned pierces my heart as I think of my sons in Haiti. I see my 3 children go through their routine in safety and love and can't help wonder what M and S are doing in these moments of early morning life. Who is helping them get dressed? What do they eat for breakfast? Is S getting his nutritional supplement? But I move on....

As I drive to school each morning for work, I listen to Christian music blaring from my radio. I cling to messages in the music, seeking God's promises in the songs and lifting my voice in worship to Him as I prepare to teach for the day. I often wonder what my mornings are going to look like when M and S do get home and I have more stops and drops at daycare and/or school to make. Will they sing these songs with me from the backseat of the car? Will they have their noses pressed to the window, looking at their new and fascinating world? But I move on....

As I go through my day at school with my class, each spare moment (there are not many) that I find in the day, I'm checking my email or cell phone to see if any adoption updates, phone calls or posts have been made that apply to us and our adoption. Every scrap of news is something and I cling to it and view it as something, anything in this process of being 'Stuck.' Each word from our family coordinator is like gold to me, whether good news or no news, because it's SOMETHING! But I move on...

Dinners are usually easy fixes these days as we are busy with baseball, tumbling, music lessons and other things that our children preoccupy themselves with. (What would S like to do? Karate? M would probably love T ball...) The other night at dinner, Tayler brought up a family discussion question on prayer. During the discussion, I found myself excited, thinking about questions that we could ask M and S when they are home at the dinner table. Of course, language is going to be an issue, so I scolded myself again about getting on top of learning some Creole. But I move on...

Lately, Daniel has been getting anxious over the progress of the adoption. Anyone who knows Daniel, knows he is typically steadfast and leaves things to God's timing. But there is something about knowing his sons are growing up in a facility that has him more impatient than usual. But he moves on....

I have begun a plan of action to help the boys communicate and learn English when they get home. Labeling household items and other things with words, digital time and pictures, things that they will need to help them communicate with us. But I wait and move on to my next errand or chore...

This may sound gloomy and sad. And in many ways, it is. Some days my heart is so heavy. I've cried more in the last year and 7 months than ever in my life. But I know there is light at the end of this journey. Regardless of my timing and expectations, I will do as the Psalms instruct me. I will wait on the LORD. He shall strengthen my heart...and He does. Going through days like these I've written about, each and every day, would drag a person down into the pits of despair. God has been and is the One who renews our strength. There is nothing at this point that we can do to move our process along quicker but rely on our mighty God, the one who has called us to this journey to begin with.

Yes, there needs to be a faster way to 'unstick' children and get them placed with their families sooner than later. Yes, we are stuck and frustrated many days, but I trust my God brings beauty from ashes and I trust that He will continue to help us along the way.

One day my day to day routine will be unstuck, as well as our lives and the lives of our sons.

Thanks friends for your ongoing prayer and support.

Love from the Lacey village.


Wednesday, May 8, 2013

My Mother's Day Prayer

Well Mothers Day is fast approaching and my family keeps asking me what I want for the holy occasion of celebrating my motherhood.

I have never been fond of Mothers Day. I know. It's probably odd for a mother to say that. But it's true.

I have always felt that I don't need to be recognized for the one role in my life that I cherish above all others. (Other than marriage.) Oh, it's nice to be pampered or doted on. But not necessary.

I love my children. They love me. They show their appreciation to me in small ways all the time. Tayler thanks me for cooking dinner and genuinely thinks I'm cool! Kaley puts little messages on my cell phone banner. Brendan...well, he once in a great while tells me I'm the best mom ever:)

I love those small things thousands of times more than one grand gift a year.

But this year, I am feeling different. I am feeling the pressure of wanting something like I've never wanted it before. The want has been so emotionally draining some days that I feel physically tapped out as well. I plead with God on a daily basis to provide it...then ask Him for patience, strength and encouragement if it doesn't come.

That one thing?


I want to know that our adoption is progressing and not at the stand still, waiting for a presidential waiver signature. I want to know that our paperwork is moving through the Haitian adoption process and that we have made some ground over these past 6 months. I want to know that my boys are a little closer to home....

But weeks and weeks continue to pass (and our very awesome coordinator patiently and gently puts up with my annoying weekly text messages) and there is no word of a signature. No movement. No progress. Just stuck.

So if I have a Mother's Day Wish this year its just to get a signature on that paper that moves us on to the next phase of our adoption. If you are reading this, and you are a praying person, would you please add us to your prayers. I would love to be able to know this Mother's Day that our boys are a little closer to home and that others are helping us pray them home.

Thanks friends and family!
God Bless,